An extremely offensive piece:

You know about lemmings, right? Those little rodents that commit mass suicide by hurling themselves off cliffs? Everybody knows that.There's just one problem. It's not true. It's an urban legend, created by some people who were filming an award-winning Disney nature "documentary" back in the fifties. Lemmings are quite real, but their suicidal behavior is not.So here we have an interesting phenomenon: something everybody knows that's complete and utter bullshit. If that doesn't make you wonder what else you believe that's not grounded in reality, you're not paying attention.
- The Pink Chimpanzee

It will be in our best interests to tell this THING how we feel about it.
(In other words, kill it before it spreads!)

This week's quotes (5/9/05)

"50% of your german marks come from me. I think you should be a lot nicer." - response to a student annoying her

"Please don't make me kill you." - said quite calmly...too calmly

"I helped her dress herself today" - about a student

"Come to the fish!" - surrealism at its finest

NOTE THIS!

NEW BLOG BY THE PINK SUICIDAL LEMMING AND THE BLUE SUICIDAL LEMMING

FOR POETRY AND SHORT STORIES OF ALL KINDS!

http://elysiumscribe.blogspot.com/

This weeks (29/08/05) German Teacher Quotes

• "You'll find yourself locked with me in a little room. That is a threat" - Punishment for "Monkey Business"
• "I don't want you thinking in my class." - in response to my stating that I was thinking
• "I'll 'Physics Project' you!" - a standard response to subjects other than german

Another great site I discovered

Make sure you check out the Almost 101 Weird Facts

This week's (22/8/05) German Teacher quotes

• "Silly goose moose!" - self-degredation
• "You can blame it on me." - refering to forgetting everything you may have learned in German class
• "Just lie about it" - what to do in the German (oral) exam
• "If you want to sing to me, you can do that any time" - what not to do in a German exam

Man attempts Hitler impersonation, fails miserably.

A man from Phuket yesterday attempted to break the world record, for longest Hitler impersonation while in the bath. Witnesses, however, were shocked to discover that this man, Augustus Trilby, was infact only taking a bath and not attempting a world record at all. When asked later as to his motives Mr. Trilby said "I have not yet been able to discern the motives of the media in this fiasco, and am now trying to percive them from a different angle".

Giovanna says...

Lately I've noticed that a certain girl in my class has been spurting out quotes that I couldn't ignore.

"I don't run, I waddle."

"It's the bra that's not letting me do it."

"I'm not a Jew. I'm a sexually-repressed Canadian."

"She's like a futurama slut" - (describing her sister)

Quotes From Our German Teacher!

"I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just stupid"
"Oh, ploppers!"
"It's like comparing Lego with a pile of green gunk" (When comparing the German Language with the English Language)
"I don't get out much."
"I thought you said - Do I sleep with the music teacher?!" - our teacher after mishearing someone asking if she sleeps with music. Guilty conscience perhaps?
"I'm a very confused person."
"I encourage you to chuck a sickie. Not officially"
"Mr. Day is weird"
"We got the idea from the Stasi" - after student complaints about having to sit on the floor during school assemblies
"It's all entertaining" - our teacher talking about the concept of students brutally attacking each other

Class Clowns 2005

It went shit this year. Did not get thru to the finals even though we got the best audience response from 15 acts & an amazing 6 went into the finals. I s'pose we spent to much of our time campaigning for the rights of Yellow Ducks. Oh year our teachers all said we were even funnier this year than last.

skcuD wolleY no egasseM terceS

si tahw wonk ton yam siht daer ohw elpoep ynaM
woh derevocsid evah uoy fI .gnineppah yllaer
tuB !drah taht t'nsaw tI !enoD lleW :siht daer ot
emertxe eht si ,ta teg ot gniyrt yllaer ma I tahw
oN .airotciV ni yb evil won tsum ew hcihw swal
yffulf ,wolley ;sa skcuD ot erefer ew yam regnol
emertxe sihT .yerfniW harpO ro
.dewal -tuo eb luohs ssentcerroc lacitilop fo mrof

Just a thought:

A computer without MS Windows is like a chocolate cake without mustard.

Why won't the green lemming die?

If people would just vote on my poll! Then I'd be able to do something that the entire public wants!

I wanna make him go BOOM!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(i want attention)

Yellow Duck Persecution

As an activist for the equal rights of the yellow duck population, I was appalled when the child's TV show "Sooty" featured the dog puppet Sweep floating many poor defencless yellow ducks in a bath. These ducks were helpless in their situation as Sweep added more hot water to the tub.

Rubber Duckies! Like to go swimming!

No they don't.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

I'm eating my head.

Does Anyone Really Care?

Does Anyone Really Care?

• Everyone is out to get you
• 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot
• Bugs Bunny is a Cross Dresser
• 50-50's in "Who Wants to be a millionaire" are rigged
• Bill Gates control's the Universe

Did you hear about the Irish vet who tried to separate a siamese cat?

Hello! Just the blue suicidal lemming here to brighten your day and darken your soul with some happy messages from the nutcases of the modern world.
"THE END IS NIGH!"
"INSANITY IS CONTAGIOUS!"
"THE VIKINGS ARE COMING!"
"THE POPE IS SECRETLY JEWISH!"
"CHOCOLATE CAUSES HERPES!"
"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT!"
We apologise for this interrruption and now return you to your scheduled boredom.

What?

What?

Has anyone else been to www.thebluesuicidallemming.blogspot.com ?
It ROCKS!
(as in it is good, not it is granite)

FAMOUS TEACHER QUOTES

Some wonderfull quotes from my teachers:

• "The square root of 25 is not similar to 5^2, though they may be the same." - English
• "Maths will get you no-where," - English
• "Your not just gonna get up in the morning and decide to wear the exact same clothes that you did six weeks ago." - English
• "Don't quote me on that." - Drama
• "Ying Tong." - English
• "I'm not being mean" - Chemistry
• "Well, he's a nerd." Math Teacher directed at an English Teacher.
• "I love the smell of math in the morning." - Math/Physics
• "I am a dog, and I'm herding all of you." - English
• "I'd rather think of myself as a Kelpie, I think they're pretty intellegent." - English
• "I had a good time teaching you this year." (to whole class) - Math
• "My name is #name supressed# Mean #name supressed#" - Accounting
• "I stuck my daughters hand in a toilet, it was only 'cause she didn't flush" - Accounting

Blah

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Pot Plants.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah. Pot Plants.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Pot Plants.

The African Talking Snail

The soap impression of his Wife, which he ate, and then donated to the National Trust.

Blah. I watched as the Gold Limousine came to an expensive stop. Out of it came an Asian and told me to "Fluck off". I was angry and pinched his ostrich. He then chased me into the back of an elephant whereupon I consumed the ostrich and the elephant refused. By this time the bunny was fed up, and he threw his hands up into the air; and caught them on the way down. Pot Plants.
I am the walrus. Hear me RAW! (or if you are stupid or just foreign: hear me ROAR!). So I was fantasising about big naked cheeses, sometimes I think about brie but usually I think about the harder stuff, such as chedder and blue-vein etc... PotPlants.
I am the eggman. Don't push me, I'll break, just like Humpty Dumpty. But why were the Kings Horses having a go at putting him back together? Do they have really flexible hooves that make nice tasting glue. Pot Plants.
Coo coo Ca Chu. As you can tell I am a beatle. I go scurrying in and out of places such as; nooks and crannies. I went to the barbar the other day and asked for the sock eating cut. But again the elephant refused. Pot Plants

By the way #name deleted# never goes to school. #comment deleted#!
(at www.therandomramblingsofaninsanemind.blogspot.com/ )

Untill next time lets look thru the square window...
ohh.......
TAKE IT OFF!!!!

A friend's blog

www.therandomramblingsofaninsanemind.blogspot.com !

'Excuse me, you're sitting on my wife

Whoa! I don't know what I should write! That's like once in one day. If I had two dogs, and replaced them with a cat, would the Theory of relativity still hold? I don't think it would because of the number of atoms in my two dogs would mean that I'd have one frickin' large cat! It would be so fat because my mate Gad just walked past and destroyed my Train of Thought. The train has now gone to the Pink Daisy Chocolate Repair house. Pot Plants. I also like Turkish Delight, I think it is the fresh Turks that give it its awesome flavour! By the way, I ain't old enough to have a wife, though the title is funny.
So I went over the Bowls Club the other day (to those who are stupid or just foreign, Bowls is a sport for old people, but some young ones play too), and I got thinking; What if I got my face stuck in a Pizza? It would be quite weird because of all the cheese going up my nose. I also thought how funny Lawn Bowls actually is because It involves three things: 1 Bending over 2 Lifting heavy things & 3 seeing far away. These of course are the three things old people cannot do! Neither can stupid people or blind mice. Pot plants.
So as I was saying, the Japanese exchange rate is totally biased to those stupid Inuits! They think they can own the world with their fishing thru ice and getting eaten by whales, and camels. But what is the deal with camels? ALICE THE CAMEL WAS A BLOODY HORSE, and a cross- dresser too. I mean what's wrong with cross- dressers? Well the whole having nuts and using them as Puffin Books.
Who else thinks that the Puffin Books Penguin is hot!

I also think stuff.

If pain persists see my dentist for legal action.
Don't you mean your lawyer.
No, I mean my dentist, I haven't got enough money for a lawyer.
Oh, OK
Yeah see?
Yes.
Hmmm
RED CHILIES IN DYNAMITE SAUCE! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Hmmm
Uhhhh
So... um... Do you, wanna come back to my place?
Uh... Sure why not?

p.s. If my mate *name suppressed* reads this don't say I didn't warn you about the infectious Curry.